


There Are No Women In Softball

by Telesilla



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always Female, Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-10
Updated: 2006-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-05 16:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crackfic. Softball pitcher Virginia Mortensen has a few things to say to the umpire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are No Women In Softball

"She's gonna do it," Billie said, scooting over to midfield from the left.

"Do what?" Elle asked, watching as their pitcher stepped off and walked toward home plate.

"You'll see," Dom said as she moved over from right field to join her lover and their brand new girlfriend. "You're new, Elle, so pay attention. What you're about to see is a thing of beauty."

At third base, Karla ("call me Karl") took advantage of the time out to reach down and adjust her cup and the silicon package inside it. Her lover, Orli ("please don't call me Orlando") looked over and licked her lips suggestively, fluttering the eyelashes that, even during a softball game, were coated with expensive mascara.

"Ah Christ, there she goes again." Pulling her hat off and running a tanned hand through her sun bleached, close-cropped hair, Sian moved from second toward first to bitch to Jessica at first.

"What's she doing?" Jessica asked, glancing quickly toward the stands to make sure that her two kids were behaving themselves.

"'Leen didn't tell you about this?" Sian asked. "It happens every damn time we get a new ump or the opposing team has a lot of new players," Sian replied. "God, I love the woman, but she drives me crazy."

Barely hiding her smirk, Kathleen rose from her crouch behind home plate, stretching to emphasize her height. With her mask pushed up onto the top of her head she looked like a modern day, 6' tall Athena and the opposing side's batter sidled away while trying not to look nervous.

As if totally unaware that everyone's attention was firmly fixed on her, the pitcher joined 'Leen and the ump. "Is there a reason you have such a narrow, linear definition of a strike zone?" Virginia asked. "This sort of dogmatic approach to the game recalls the patriarchy we're trying to throw off. It's an affront to wimmin everywhere."

Virginia was, 'Leen mused, good enough at this that you could clearly hear "wimmin" instead of "women."

"You can say whatever you like, but it was still a strike," the ump said stubbornly.

"And now you're exhibiting the typical argumentative posture of someone clinging to the outmoded model of 'power over.'" Virginia said, her voice ringing with conviction.

"Is she serious?" Elle asked, her gaze flicking from Dom to Billie.

"No one really knows," Billie said, rubbing absently at the hickey just above her uniform collar. "Well maybe 'Leen and Sian do, 'cause they've known Virginia for fucking ever, but they won't tell."

"I don't really care," Dom said with a broad grin. "She's awesome when she really gets going and sometimes she can actually get an ump to back down. Even if she can't, it usually throws off the other team." She glanced over toward third base. "God, if Karl adjusts that thing one more time, she's gonna fucking break it off."

"Orli'll have some Super Glue glue in her bag in case she breaks a nail out here," Billie said with a snicker. "She'll be able to fix that 'Mr. Right' if Karl breaks it."

"This is very disappointing," Virginia was saying as the ump grew more and more visibly annoyed. "If we're ever going to re-claim this game, we'll need a strike zone that isn't mathematically determined and therefore exclusive of and discriminatory toward womyn's holistic and connectivist ways of being."

"Do you have any idea what she's going on about?" Orli asked Karl.

"Are you kidding?" the big butch replied. "Feminist theory makes my eyes cross." She leaned in to whisper in Orli's ear. "I'd rather think about fucking my sweet, pretty girl."

"I don't want to be judgmental," Virginia said in response to a snarled statement from the umpire. "But you seem to be carrying a lot of hostility, even rage. If you need time to process, I'll willing to facilitate."

"Will she get kicked out?" Jessica asked Sian

"If it starts to look like it," Sian replied, "Edie'll warm up." She gestured to the bench where their sponsor was watching the show with ill-concealed glee. "Edie's actually a decent pitcher; it's not just that she pays for our gear and feeds us all after games."

"Hang on," Jessica said. "Will," she yelled, turning toward the stands. "Don't you wander off where Andy and Milo can't keep an eye on you."

"Don't worry about it, Jess!" Andy called back with a reassuring grin from where he sat with his arm around his new boyfriend. "I've got him covered."

"Are you threatening to toss me out of the game?" Virginia was asking the umpire, her tone of voice more disappointed than angry. "All I wanted to do was establish a dialog here."

Behind the ump 'Leen dragged her thumb across her neck and shook her head at her ex. Virginia wasn't getting anywhere here, time was wasting and 'Leen really didn't want to see Virginia thrown out of the game. On the plus side, the batter looked clearly rattled and that was good enough.

"All right," Virginia said. "I don't want to take this in a confrontational direction, so I'll learn to work around your limitations." She turned and walked back to the mound.

"Thanks," the ump said sarcastically. She turned and found herself looking at 'Leen's chest protector as the catcher loomed over her. "They warned me about you guys."

"Call us guys one more time," 'Leen said very quietly, "and she'll start up again. Why don't we just play ball?"

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of the introductory Lesbian 'Verse fic; it's a quick overview of the characters. The original idea was simple: what if some of our favorite guys were lesbians living in Berkeley, CA? If you need to know who is who, there's a list [here.](http://www.pardalis.org/wiki/index.php/Lesbian_%27Verse) The idea of the universe is kind of a _Dykes to Watch Out For_ thing; so in addition to playing on the same team, most of these "wimmin" are connected in one way or another, and are in and out of one another's lives.
> 
> I'm not posting this specifically for the Bunny Euthanasia Project, but it isn't particularly high on our list of priorities at the moment. It's just that I mentioned it recently and [](http://ribby.livejournal.com/profile)[**ribby**](http://ribby.livejournal.com/) was curious about it. Back when I was working on this last year, [](http://mirabellawotr.livejournal.com/profile)[**mirabellawotr**](http://mirabellawotr.livejournal.com/) gave me one of Virginia's lines.


End file.
